Sometimes, living in England makes me feel like a minor
character in Game of Thrones, minus the horrific violence, gratuitous sex and
dangerous inter-family politics. Less “Winter is Coming” and more “Winter’s the
default season” it nonetheless feels like the cold will last forever with no
hope of even the slightest ray of sunshine.
With that in mind and acknowledging that not everyone can
afford to leave the country, I have provided a cinematic alternative:
The Adventure Holiday
For those who enjoy getting their heart rate up, settle down
with the Indian Jones Trilogy as it
takes you to far flung, exotic places and provides totally accurate, 100%
researched and certified History™ for those who like that kind of thing
and lots of Nazi-fighting, pesky cult-bashing and artefacts that will make your
face melt with excitement. You might even be tempted set out to find the
mystical fourth movie but rest assured, such a nightmare relic cannot possible
exist…
See also: Most cheap films late on the SyFy channel that try
to emulate Indiana Jones but don’t, The
Mummy trilogy
The Romantic Weekend
Walk the streets of 1920s Paris in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris where most of the city
has been overrun by Americans. Indulge you misplaced nostalgia for times gone
by and hook up with a crazy bunch of artists, writers and misfits who see the
genius in your work that is unappreciated by your contemporaries.
See also: Paris Je
T’aime, New York I Love You, Amelie.
The Solo Getaway
Being social is overrated. Sometimes you just want to get
back to nature with only yourself for company.
…Only you should be prepared for when you do get into
trouble and since you took off without telling anyone what you were doing you
may have to get yourself out of any sticky situations…hopefully not with a
blunt pen knife…
See also: The last scene The
Grey for a winter holiday, not so much the rest of the film. That’s more of
a lads’ break. Good for a stag weekend.
The Tropical Paradise
Gorgeous beaches, lush forests and interesting wildlife make for a unique experience on this unusual island that is never in the same place twice! Not recommended for nervous fliers or anyone with a fear of polar bears or giant smoke monsters, nevertheless there are many interesting experiences to be had such as finding out one (or five) of your fellow travellers is a long lost relative, time travel, resurrection, SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS, submarine rides and yet more time travel.
And like any good holiday it will end in disappointment when you realise that the past few years have be heading towards nothing and they really were making it up as they went along.
See also: The Beach,
Battle Royale
No refunds!
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